Things No One Should EVER Say to a Pregnant Woman...

  Things No One Should EVER Say to a Pregnant Woman...unless they wish to be attacked either verbally or physical assault. Saying or doing any of the below to a pregnant woman could result in being admitted to an ICU, put in a full body cast or have a loss of limb or life. Consider yourself warned. Oh, and if you could pass the word along...you could save an idiot.

  STUPID STATEMENTS, QUESTIONS & ACTIONS:
1. "Are you SURE you're not having twins?!?"
Really? Is that an honest question? I'm pretty sure I would KNOW if I were having twins. There's this really neato invention called an ULTRASOUND. So, NO, I'm NOT having twins. You might be curious, but you just pretty much called me a HEIFER!
2. "Are you sure you're ready for a baby? It's a LOT of work." Wait...are you saying that having a baby is going to somehow change my LIFE?! I had no idea. Thank you Capt. Obvious for letting me know...now that I'm pregnant and all.
3. "Haven't you had that baby yet?" OI. Pregnancy is looooooong enough without the constant reminder near the end, thank you very much. 

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4.  ACTION: Stranger touching belly. Um. Hello. Have we met? No? STOP TOUCHING ME! It's weird, it's creepy, it's random, it's a violation of my personal space which is already being invaded by a growing human, and did I mention it's CREEPY?! Some people don't mind this but everyone I know including myself finds this less than pleasant.
5.  "Wow. You look TIRED." Whoa. Thanks for the newsflash. It's not tiredness by the way. It's absolute exhaustion at it's purest. It's that I could sleep for a year and then take a nap feeling. Unless you have been pregnant, no amount of previous sleep deprivation can touch this feeling. Even those nights in college spent cramming for exams. I would TRADE for that kind of tired. Don't remind us we look crappy. Please & Thanks.
6. ACTION: response to baby name. If your response is anything other than, "Ooo, nice!", "I like it!", "Beautiful!", "Great Choice!": KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. We are on an emotional roller coaster and we have AGONIZED over the perfect name for our blessed bundle of joy. Saying, "I don't like it", "It's weird", or "Why THAT?!?" : will only get you drop-kicked. I had this experience over Thanksgiving. I honestly thought I was going to attack my husband's grandmother. OI.
7. "Get all the sleep you can now. You won't get any when the baby comes." Ya know, I would totally sleep if I could. I prefer my sleep. But insomnia in pregnancy is real. Heartburn that wakes me up, and feels like Mt. Kilauea is erupting in my chest is real. Trying to arrange my pillows to attempt to get comfortable enough to sleep, while a growing human uses my bladder for a punching bag...so real. And no matter the amount of liquid I ingested before bed, getting up every 20 minutes to pee, it's real. So while I would LOVE to take your advice and SLEEP....I can't. My body won't let me.
8. "Did you use fertility drugs?"/"Was this an accident?"/"Don't you know what causes pregnancy?"/"Don't you have television?". While these are meant as jokes or curiosity, it's rude and insensitive.  Unless you're willing to fully disclose your personal private life with me, don't ask. Every child is a blessing and miracle. I mean an ENTIRE human is growing in my body?! Amazing.
9. "You look like you're about to pop!" Pop? I'd sure like to pop you over the head with a broom stick. I'm X-amount of weeks pregnant. You're rocking a beer gut. At least I have a good excuse.

There are however a couple things that should ALWAYS be said to a pregnant woman:

1. "You look Gorgeous/Beautiful/Amazing/Stunning!" Any nice thing to make her feel better. What? She looks like a sweaty, hot mess in her hubby's over-sized t-shirt, her hair looks like it hasn't been washed and her too small shorts are revealing her unshaven legs?! She's beautiful. Just say it and mean it. She most likely can't reach or even SEE her legs.
2. "That's wonderful!" No matter what she said. Her baby's name is going to be Pharoh, she's going to be using cloth diapers that she's sewing herself, she's breastfeeding or formula feeding, she using hypno-birthing, having a home birth, co-sleeping, Ferberizing, joining a tribe of tree-huggers, or teaching her child to read by 6 months of age. Your response is always "that's wonderful."Being pregnant we are liable to cry at the drop of a hat or lash out like a psycho or change our mind. We are women after all.

Well, there ya have it. Feel free to share other idiotic things people have said or done to you or some other beautiful pregnant woman you know...