Don't ask!
>> Tuesday, March 13, 2012
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I was pregnant for the first time at this time 4 years ago. The crazy comments and questions started right away before I was even pregnant! You know...I got married so people automatically started asking when we were going to have kids. Then, believe it or not, when I went to the drugstore in my hometown in South Carolina to buy a pregnancy test, I placed the pregnancy test on the counter and the woman working asked "Ohhhh, what are you hoping it will say?" Ummm....wow.
Since those first experiences, I have had a plethora of questions and comments that have made me think "Ummm...wow." Or often times "Ummm...awkward." or "Ummm...really!?" But to be truthful, I am sometimes guilty of asking some of those questions or making some of those comments myself.
If you aren't sure what questions and comments I might be speaking of, I've taken it upon myself to make a list for you. You might find these useful for yourself, or, perhaps you can think of a person or two to send this list to.
Of course, the first...When are you going to have a baby? I always wanted to respond to this question with "None of your business." but as a rule, I try to stay classy. But seriously, it is no one else's business, unless of course you choose to make it their business. I think everyone should make it a rule to avoid this question.
The first is followed closely by Are you pregnant? I am guilty of asking this question once. I felt so bad afterwords for asking that I vowed to never ask again. Not because it was one of those awkward I asked but the person wasn't actually pregnant situations. But because she was pregnant, and I realized that pregnant women tell people they are pregnant when they want to tell people they are pregnant.
Was it on purpose or a surprise? This question also invokes the desire in me to say "None of your business", but again, I resist. I admit, there have been many times I have wanted to ask someone this question myself, but I think the more appropriate route to go is just pay attention and see if I can figure it out yourself.
Wow, you're only 6 months? It looks like that baby is coming any day now. I feel like I shouldn't have to explain myself on this one. If you ever feel the desire to say this, I have one piece of advice for you: Keep your mouth shut. Or perhaps you like the wrath of a pregnant woman?
Awww...Poor thing. You look miserable. Really? Because, personally, the 50 extra pounds, swollen feet, and need to go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes makes me feel like a million bucks. Seriously though. If I look miserable, I don't need anyone telling me so.
I love the obvious You haven't had that baby yet? Actually, I did. But I love being pregnant so much, I had them put it back in so I could carry it around for a few more months. This really has to be at the top of my list of "questions" that I despise the most.
Then it happens. Your joyous little bundle has arrived and all of a sudden you hear someone say So when are you going to have another one? I kid you not, when I had my first, one of the prenatal nurses at the hospital asked me how long I thought it would be before I had another. And, I kid you not, I wanted to claw her eyes out. This question is just wrong. Wrong, I tell you!
That's not how you do it. I have to say, that as a new mother, that is probably the worst thing you can hear. Everyone wants to give advice, and let's admit it, sometimes we need it. But no new mother wants to hear that she's doing something wrong.
Don't you love having a newborn and not getting a whole lot of sleep? And don't you love when people ask Are you getting any sleep? If you ever have the desire to ask, switch things up and instead ask "Can I watch the baby for a couple hours while you take a nap?"
I'm certain there are ones I'm forgetting. Feel free to add to the list. I think everyone should be educated on this topic!
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7 comments:
Oh this is so funny! I'm sure those questions were asked to a lot of other women too, but I've been asked every single one. I especially got tons of dumb questions asked when I was pregnant with my twins. And this is what gets me. Why is it that it's mostly other women asking these questions?
Yes, Trish!! Why is it that it's mostly other women that say and ask these things?! I didn't even think about that when writing this. Just more proof that women are evil :)
I would like to add an awkward question or two of my own. My husband and I struggled with infertility for 5 years before our son came to us through adoption. Two years later, we had twins through IVF.
Never ask a woman if her twins are "natural." Natural? As opposed to...unnatural? And how a child, or children, were conceived is none of anyone else's business.
And secondly, never, ever ask a woman who has adopted and biological children which ones are "hers." They all are.
Yes, Deborah! So, so true! I have siblings that are adopted, and always get thrown off a little when people ask which ones are "real". And I have people close to me that struggled with infertility and have heard the same question. So strange!
Both very good points!
I have probably put my foot in my mouth more times than I'd like to count *sigh* I try not to be too offended by things that people ask, I just walk away and roll my eyes! But I have heard some good replies lately and want to try to remember them for the more snarky, less innocent ones!
Pregnancy brings with itself a lot of never-felt-before moments. One of them is to feel your baby kick. But do you know that the baby’s kick means that her mental growth has begun! Watch this video to discover the joy of a baby’s kick.
A little late to post, but my most recent question I have been asked, "so when do you think you'll be done?" I don't have 12 kids, I have 3 and just found out we will have 4 soon. I am 28, healthy and hubby has a good job. It is non of your business how many I intend to have!
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