Pregnancy Jokes

In case you need a giggle today...

Q. Should I have a baby after 35? A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy? A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A. Childbirth.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A. So what's your question?

Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model? A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q. How long is the average woman in labor? A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural? A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids? A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower? A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A. When the kids are in college.